I need to rant somewhere before my head explodes.
My first and only dog, Chester, was put down yesterday. I never thought it would be this hard to let him go.. But oh my fucking god I feel more depressed than I ever thought possible. Perhaps I am overreacting, but I don't do very well with traumatic things such as this. And I have never truly understood death until witnessing my dog take his last breath right in front of my eyes. It didn't help that that damned veterinarian took it all way too fast. She placed him on the table, held him still then gave him an injection to make him go limp. I barely had time to crawl over to him and scream at him how much I loved him before she gave him the final injection. He was gone in a matter of seconds, which sent me into a full on panic attack. I just couldn't believe that he was alive and conscious only moments before... Then he was just gone... Holding his limp head in my arms about made me black out.. I wish, oh how I wish I had more time to say goodbye.
I hate that woman for doing that. I hate her...
Perhaps I really am overreacting, but Chester was the only consistent thing in my life through all of the stupid bullshit I've dealt with and all of the 'friends' that have come and gone.. I could count on him to be there when I wanted a little buddy to cling to and talk to. It's been 10 years.. Which is a long time. But I never thought he would be gone this fast. Everything is like a blur.. I try so hard to remember better times with him, but I can only remember that dreaded car ride to the vet with my dog tight in my arms, then that last bit of life in his eyes before he was gone.
That was the most traumatizing thing I have ever seen... Losing him was like losing a limb in my eyes.
I wish I had more time. I wish I didn't look at time so carelessly to see that eventually he would have to go.
So I want to let you all know that I will probably be pretty.. Grim for a bit. I don't want to be one of those
people that say their life sucks and they're so depressed and blah blah. I literally cannot comprehend that he is gone. I've had a consistent headache since Friday (the last full day with him) and it won't go away no matter what I take. On top of that, the stress is making me get sicker again after I was starting to recover.
So I'm sorry if my replies are kind of weary. I can't even fake happiness over text right now. I hope you all can understand.
This is me and my buddy if you are curious. He was laying on my face.. --> sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos…